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Thursday, February 21, 2008
deepening into despair...
12:38 am

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

i had a dream. upsetting as it was it also was sheer relief that this fear that still lies with within my heart that he will dash my heart to pieces again with the person that was at the beginning. i could feel the overwhelming pain spreading throughout me once again and i think that's when i woke up.
to find that it was not true. i was not sure what to feel. how to feel.
its like i'm waiting for that day. for him to end it all. whether it be with her or someone else...
and once again i fear i will make myself feel the fool- finding out through other means than the source it should come from. i still remember that day... wanting to run in the oncoming rain until i felt numb and my lungs felt exasperated. wanting to collapse and cry but could not like many and had to get on with things. having no one to talk to that day, the pain subsiding, the only person i wanted to talk to was unavailable. i think it was at this time things changed. people asked me why i was so quiet at times. i became wary. i closed in. i had no energy left. nothing left to say...that day...


its not easy but it shouldnt be this hard.


wasting your time at 12:38 am

change of pace .

about me .

Name: exodus.state

Birthday: 30th.Nov.1988

Currently:HATE UNI

i'm liking ...

music!!
the net
shopping
getting money
CNY
hotties
gorgeous friends
food
sleeping
ANIME
manga
tv
that 70s show and scrubs
my new phone
my BED
passing uni
my dvds
the BEACH.

loathing ...

BEING SICK
uni
bugs
smokers XD
evil bitch people
having no income
people that wake me up
stupid bogan girls that ask for money when they should stop having sex and start doing normal teenage things
guys that have nothing else better to do then make people miserable just because they will amount to NOTHING.
evil people on the roads who drive dangerous. and who DRINK DRIVE
FLIES
prissy girls
petrol prices
junk food accessibility
halitosis
getting the bottom of my jeans wet on a rainy day
how it can be so freaking cold sometimes

post its .